In the past five days I've been face to face with my mortality and have been reminded of my humanity and how it connects us all.
We had a family member pass, and even though age and distance had carried us further apart... I remember the endless summer days and the nights filled with laughter and childhood adventure. Half my life spent running in another's shadow. She, like an older sibling eclipsing the sun.
Anytime someone moves beyond the reaches of your physical reach or mortal gaze it's only human to feel an extreme gamut of emotion. Sadness of course, anger, loss - all the stages of grief. In my short life, the funerals have been few and far between. Grandparents, distant relatives - each person is a special part of me now that time won't seal off from my heart or my memory. Because they visit me each time someone is added to their ranks. My memory hovers over them and I remember them with love and a little less loss each time.
I think there are few times in life in general when you can look up and acknowledge the scope of our human connections. Death brings us together to celebrate a life - life connects us all and something about gathering to stand as a witness of someone's life and their part in yours... is a beautiful thing.
You belong to one another - they will always be yours and you theirs.
I've been told that they are expecting over 300 people. For one life to touch so many people's lives and then for theirs to touch ours in our grief is simply beyond comforting to me. Like ripples in the ocean of life.
In those few times when someone has left and torn a little piece of my heart out and taken it with them; I've always managed to return to a place of gratitude once I've taken that time to accept and grieve. This doesn't mean I'm not sad, it just means I have perspective that allows me to get up, make my coffee, go to work and start to enjoy the small things around me that I've taken for granted for far to long.
This time, I'm grateful for a million memories of pancakes on the griddle, claiming abandoned boats and canoes, running weekender camp kid interlopers off our turf, "cooking" cat tails and pretending they were hot dogs, riding bikes till the sun went down then riding even longer under a blanket of stars and the moon. Taking wildlife preservation to new heights by freeing skunks and burying bird. Jumping out of the water while yelling "DIET COKE!" at the top of our lungs then diving back under leaving white whales in our wake while we searched for lost eyeglasses and treasure. Music, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and on and on...
I am grateful for the laughter - which, despite anything that ever went wrong/right or sideways in life - was always there. I love my family for their humor (every one of them) and their joy and this soul carried a bounty of each.
I am grateful that she didn't waste time in life. Something I know that in this life I have been guilty of. She strove for education, loved, lost, jumped out of a plane, got back on another one - moved about and experienced what life had to offer. I've spent a lot of time in my life waiting for things to happen and not
making them happen and this is an example I'll try to apply in the future days to come in my own life.
I'm hopeful for the future. Because I've been shaken from my slumber and my feet are once again on the ground. Facing forward, face to the sun, ready to rally again for the mountains of tomorrow. On my terms... and you, barely my elder, are there. A little piece in my memory and my heart - laughing still and reminding us all to live life to the fullest of our abilities and to demand nothing less from ourselves and the world around us.
If you're reading this you are a part of MY humanity and I thank you for touching my life in whatever way. Till tomorrow. This is not goodbye.
