So, I've been reading lots of blogs here and there because I like to know what people think & do and how/why they act as they do. (My family has long practiced people watching)The more I've thought lately the more I really have no frame of reference, nor am I able to compartmentalize myself as to what my sexuality is nor my personal sexual preferences. I don't know what "type" I am or what "my" type is! Personally, I like not having a label but sometimes it makes things complicated because I'm not sure what I'm looking for or where the hell I am. For example, I like looking at IKEA but that doesn't mean I want a VIBBYN Chair.
Earlier today I was over at Velevet Park and I read Staceyann Chin's Straight Women and the One-way Cunnilingus - after which I followed it up with Cage and Crandall's Gender and Sexuality video blog. It all made me feel funny inside. Not in a funny way.
I am 100% attracted to women, I love women, I fall in love with women, I am rendered stupefied and wordless by women. I am not confused about women (for the most part) but, running head long towards my 35th (yes yes, I know, I look so young for my age) birthday and having yet to have any sort of "real" relationship WITH a woman – has me feeling a bit panicked (yet again).
"Eleven months of sex with her and still no cunnilingus? How long should I wait for her to come around? Is it okay to abandon your partner because she won’t eat your pussy?"
Jesus, that's a big question. I think the answer (as best as I can figure based on my limited experience) is that if you're not invested body and soul at the same level as your partner, it's not a relationship but something else. There are many relationships in life where sometimes there's an imbalance and you just don't get back what you put in. Work, family and sometimes lovers.
Can I just add that as a newbie to queer nation you old hands are frightening as fucking hell? You damn well are! I feel like I'm running around with water wings on while circling the deep end without a lifeguard!
"Years later, my rule of thumb is that any woman I am going to fuck, must have in her past, a healthy plethora of punanis on which she has sucked, nibbled, licked and willingly kissed."
Well, after I read that I felt mildly distraught - until I thought about it a bit and convinced myself that there was a distinction being made between fucking and dating.
Cage and Crandall's closing question was: "Is it possible for lesbians to have one night stands... with no strings attached?"
I think some people think that in order to be a good, bonafied lesbian lova lova you need to have had plenty of partners. I personally don't know many IF any women that can disconnect their emotional needs from their physical needs the way "bath house" fellows seem to be able to. So generally, I don't think we tend to have as many partners. I also don't think that's a bad or negative thing. **Christine the rocket is NOT a sexpert.
The idea that anyone could rule out a lover/partner based on their lack of experience is bizarre to me. I'm old fashioned and believe in monogamy. I probably won't ever change.
To those women who have written us, those who are shy of the poonan – off.
I guess you'll never experience the potential of what you're choosing to pass on.
8 comments:
Well, basically, you don't have to do what other people do. Just do what is right for yourself. The operative word is "do."
I have to agree with you on several points. I prefer not to be labeled, simply because I do not respond in the same way to every person I interact with. I also feel that experience in intimacy is not a requirement; sometimes it can get in the way. It's more fun to feel my way around rather than to deliberately aim for the big "O". As far as monogamy, I don't feel that it is old fashioned; I just can not have more than one partner because I want them to have all of me, and I won't be able to have all of them if they're spending time with other lovers.
All of me
why not take all of me.
Can't you see
I'm no good without you.
You took the part that once was my heart,
so why not,
take all of me.
Rocket, I love that song.
That is a log of crap. Chest bumping dickswingers with limp dildos taking stoopid about their "rules" can eat it. Trust me baby, there are no rules and even when there are, they always get changed with new chemistry. Preference is a lot different than rule. Maybe she wants someone to munch the rug but if the love of her life (that day) wouldn't do it, that would not be a deal breaker. Believe you me, we lesbians are too optimistic about the power of other women to eventually come around to seeing things our way. :)
And yes Smokey- sometimes experience does get in the way. Hard to explain but it definitely does. The major benefit of loads of experience is that it lessens the anxiety before the proceedings begin. Of course the anxiety and anticipation is fun, so.... As soon as the proceedings begin, experience is meaningless. You have never experienced THIS WOMAN before, so you know nothing.
And THAT is what I love about being a big lez.
and THAT comment, is why I love you. :)
too true - I never thought of the "THIS WOMAN" experience.
I keep repeating that first sentence... I need to use it tomorrow somehow.
neo.... i've never seen that expressed more succinctly typed in a long long time. and Rocko.... you think to much. kidding mostly.....
the blocks i've been around could form a small city.
but i have a lot rolling around my brain pot... skillet... pan.
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